Dumbest Thief Ever
Who is the dumbest person you have ever met?.. Well, I have known and worked with a few belters in my time, but there is one guy that will always stick out in my mind as the no.1 tool…
On a beautiful summer’s day when I was working as a butcher, I remember an altercation up the counter with the Boss and someone who had just came into the shop. Now the guy that owned the shop at the time did have a tendency to piss customers off from time to time with his forthright views on everything from politics to a customer’s cooking methods, but this new spate felt different.. really different..
It turned out that some junk head had come into the shop demanding the day’s takings from the till and was threatening the Boss with a blade!!
Now this situation would normally be a very frightening experience for anyone, however when you come into a butchers shop with a “chib”, there is a very good chance you are going to be “out-bladed”, as every guy (or gal) in the place is holding or has access to a sharp implement.
Needless to say, when the rest of us realised what was actually happening, we jumped to the other side of the counter with our steak knives and cleavers in hand, ready to carve up another type of animal (Bear), but the eejit was quicker than a gazelle, (or my cousin Derek when it is his round), and made a speedy get away!
We had a laugh at his expense as he bolted along the street, and the statement of “Who comes into a butchers with a knife?” was not far from everyone’s minds and lips.. A real 100% dumb dipstick…
But wait – Can there be someone dumber ?
Another candidate for “dumb is dumber”, was the apprentice that had to have 14 stitches inserted into an ear wound which he inflicted on himself while sharpening his steak knife with a steel. But that story is for another day… (It’s a belter!)